Surrogacy in India

Happy Little Endings

2012-01-25T08:14:00.001-08:00

Our eight year battle with infertilty has come to the (cutest little) end:

After traveling to countless clinics in the United States and several overseas, numerous attempts of surrogacy, donor eggs, donor embryos, etc... well, ironically the sweet baby girl that lights our world was born in Arkansas in October. Our little Regan came to us through domestic adoption and was welcomed into the world in a love filled room to Bob, me and her wonderful birthmom. She is a very well-loved little girl --the apple of her daddy's eye, her mommy's sweet girl and, of course, Maisy's BFF.

To those of you still fighting infertility for your child, I will say this: Please don't give up. Now that I am on the other side and I have experienced this love, I know I would do another eight years of hard time to get here. She was worth every second. Every. Single. Second.

Tagged

2009-03-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow blogger, Amani, tagged me. Her directions were to find my sixth picture folder and in that folder, the sixth picture. Then I needed to post it on my blog with some of the background of the picture.

So here it is, Bob and Maisy during Christmas 2007. Maisy is still a puppy in this picture, only three months old. Bob is 39 (He gets jealous if I don't talk about him).

Amani's request finally prompted me to tie up the loose end of this blog. It seems fitting that I am starting this post with a picture of my two loves.

So here's the update:

Maisy is older, smarter, funnier and has learned to fly. Well, seems to fly when she runs--she's so fast!! Her tricks and speed actually draw crowds when we play with her on the beach. We are planning on starting agility training for her this summer.

As for me, I am returning to school. After a lot of introspection, I decided it was time to start building a career that I will enjoy. I have spent so many years working towards being a mom that I haven't had the energy to grow any other aspects of my life. It's time to start flexing some different muscles.

Because we will be living off of one income, we have decided to move to a state where the cost of living is less expensive. Bob works from home, so we are very lucky to have this choice. We have spent the last few months visiting different colleges in states of choice and have finally made a decision. We are looking forward to embracing these new changes!

And finally, Bob is planning on a lot more golfing since our new home state is renowned for it's courses!

Bob and I have decided not to pursue surrogacy any further at this point. We still have 7 snowbabies in India, but have been greatly discouraged by years of negative results with our embryos. Also, the expenses involved with surrogacy in India seemed to have become much larger and somehow more vague. Truth be told, after that last negative, we felt closure with this path. We plan, at some point, to return to India and transfer the remaining embryos to my uterus. We will continue to try to be parents, just not through surrogacy. Since this blog is called "Surrogacy in India," I think it would be strange use it as a medium for blogging our next path.

Bob and I loved our trips to India. We have met so many people and will always treasure these relationships.

Finally, we want to wish all of those Intended Parents luck who are just starting their journey, and congratulations to all of you who are expecting and those of you with beautiful new babies!

Gone Fishing!

2008-07-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your heartfelt posts, phone calls and support. I can't tell you how less alone in my sadness it has made me feel. To have so many understand and reach out is a real comfort to us.

We have seven frozen embryos in India. Those embryos are frozen in two 'straws'; three in one and four in the other. The plan is to defrost one straw, determine how many embryos made it through the thaw and then make the decision to defrost the other or not. Essentially, we could have two shots at a frozen embryo cycle, or just one.

We have decided to wait a while to do those transfers. Bob and I started our journey in January 2004 with an ectopic pregnancy and it seems like it has been a non-stop slide through treatments since. We need to have a bit of healing before we undertake more.

I am thirty-six years old as of this September. We have always felt this time pressure to beat the biological clock. Since we will not consider any further cycling after these frozen embryo cycles, we don't feel the rush anymore. The embryos are there, my egg quality doesn't matter anymore. Time is our friend again and we can enjoy the luxury, so we are going to hang up our "Gone Fishing" sign and relax for a bit.

There is an extremely new board that has been started for those of you interested in researching a trip of your own to India to pursue a surrogacy. I will be on that board answering questions and supporting others in their journey. The link is http://surrogacyindia.forum5.com/index.php?mforum=surrogacyindia.

Thank you and we will post again when we decide to move forward.

We're Crying...Again

2008-07-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

This morning we received a negative result.

It's so hard to write this post. After so many losses, and eight failed cycles, I feel like I am running up a hill trying to catch a baby carriage that just gets further and further away. When do you stop running?

I feel like I should be angry, but I'm not. I feel like I should hatch a plan, think about the next step, the next choice...I don't have the strength to be angry or to think anymore.

We need to stop for a while. Breathe for a while. Find ourselves and our joy and our happiness in being two (+ Maisy) for a while.

I have an emptiness inside of me that only a child can fill. I feel hollow inside and lost somehow. That pain will never go away...I know that. I just want to learn to live around it, like it's a piece of furniture in the room that you bump into once in a while. Right now, it's a great big ugly uncomfortable couch that takes up the whole space.

Well, I need to go back to my couch, my tears and my ice cream.

Coming Home!

2008-07-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

We've been in Brighton and London for almost a week and will be traveling home tomorrow. We had a great time in the UK visiting with Bob's colleagues and seeing all the beautiful history and architecture, but we are tired and ready to sleep in our own bed.

It's been a week since transfer and we are on the edge of our seats to hear the results next week. When this was my own transfer, I'd cheat and do a home pregnancy test. No cheating when you have a surrogate! Last transfer with a surrogate, we'd had such poor embryos that we didn't have much hope. This is the longest two weeks of my life.

Sigh.

Over the moon!

2008-07-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

Today we transferred four perfect little embryos to our surrogate. I can't believe it even as I type it.

I had slept terribly and had really prepared myself for awful fertilization results. What a shock!

Of our 15 eggs, 14 fertilized normally. We had 6 perfect embryos, four average embryos and the remaining four were slowing in growth. Those four slow ones are going to be watched for one more day in the hopes that they will get strong enough to freeze. We transferred four of our six perfect embryos to the surrogate and have frozen the remaining six embryos. I sat in the waiting room with our surrogate waiting for transfer; she showed me pictures of her family and her children. She was happy and smiling. I am really comfortable with her and her obvious willingness and happiness to carry a pregnancy.

I choked back tears when the doctors gave me the results and have cried off and on all afternoon because I am so thrilled. When Bob and I decided to come back to India to try again, it was because we didn't think our first try was a fair try. We had such lousy fertilization that first time, it really hurt. I think deep down I believed it would happen again. No matter what the result of that pregnancy test, the honest truth is that my mind will be at ease that we were able to try our best! After years of infertility, every little victory is something to enjoy.

We are over the moon and can't wait until our pregnancy test. It's going to be a long two weeks, but it's in God's hands now.

When's the last time your doctor made a housecall?

2008-07-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today Bob took the bus to Pune. Ajit drove him to the bus station, and, because the access roads in Mumbai were flooded, it took two hours to get to the bus stop! Bob was so excited to take the bus and to see the rains. He took loads of pictures, which we will post when he returns.

When I first heard of monsoon season, I thought of packing rain gear and umbrellas and proper shoes. I thought how awful for the people with the flooding and inconveniences in such a crowded, hectic city. The opposite is actually true: Indian people love the rainy season. We see it referred to as the 'romantic rains' in the paper. I guess it's equivalent to our winters in the US. You love the snow and that beautiful white blanket that covers everything; you think of curling up by a roaring fire and drinking hot chocolate, but you still resent driving to work in it! Dr. Yashodhara described the oceanfront at Nariman point here and how the local people will go and sit and wait to be washed over by an ocean wave in the high tides. She said couples sit hand in hand, families gather and the vendors sell treats like corn on the cob. She said it is beautiful and I could see by the look on her face that she was feeling warm and fuzzy inside just describing it. She said that everyone goes out and dances and celebrates in the rain during the first downpour. Monsoon season is truly a special time in India.

I was not feeling so well today. I have had my share of egg retrievals over the years and I am feeling particularly bloated and just generally sore. The doctors have called me several times throughout the day to make sure that I am okay. When I voiced to Dr. Yash that I wasn't feeling great, she insisted on coming to the hotel to check on me. Both she and Dr. Sudhir came by and she quickly examined me. She explained that because my ovaries have produced so much this time, it is normal to be a little more sore than I have been in the past. She wants me to take it easy and rest with plenty of water. She and Dr. Sudhir stayed and talked with me for well over an hour. In fact, I lost track of time, I was enjoying myself so much as I sat on my bed with my new friends and felt guilty for keeping them from their families for so long when I realized how late it was. It was so nice to be so well cared for on a medical front and beyond that, to have company while Bob is gone.

I don't mean to sound like a commercial, but I just have to voice how warm, understanding and careful of my well being Dr. Sudhir and Dr. Yashodhora are. I am amazed and astounded at the friends I have found in them, let alone the feeling of safety in my care and the care of my surrogate.

Rhonda and Gerry, a couple who has used Surrogacy India, showered their praises on how wonderful these doctors are. I'll be honest and say that my inner demon had a bit of an inner monologue with me about trusting so much. "It's their first time doing IVF, let alone surrogacy, therefore any doctor will seem wonderful to them" my demon said, "maybe they are too trusting or a little naive in the belief that a doctor could be so caring; be careful, Lisa." Well, my inner demon passed away quietly tonight as I laughed and chatted. You were completely and totally right, Rhonda. I am sorry if I ever, even just a little bit, doubted you and Gerry!

Fingers crossed, everyone! Tomorrow morning is transfer... Since only one person can go in with the surrogate for transfer, we decided Bob should take his time coming back from Pune. I am so excited about this transfer, for the first time in a long time. My heart is definitely in this cycle, as hard as I tried to stay detached. You know what? Cross your legs, too!

The results are in...

2008-06-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a horribly long day. We had to be at the admissions desk at 6:00am in order to be assigned a room. We got through all the paperwork and were in our room by 7:30am. I had a bed and there was a "couch" that looked more like a holly hobby bed I'd seen in a little girls room. We both laid down and slept for a few minutes. My procedure was scheduled for noon, so we were both tired and cranky and stuck there for a while and that only got worse as the day went on.

We had our procedure at noon and we got 16 eggs, 15 mature! There were signs of hyper stimulation (fluid in the cavity), so I had to be on an IV for a LOT longer than expected. They wanted to treat the issue before it got any worse. So, we laid in that hospital room until 6:00 that night! I was so happy to go home!

I would like to mention that Lilavati hospital is a veg hospital. Everything they bring you is vegetarian. I was dying to get out and find some steak!

We are thrilled with our results, this number is much higher than any we've seen before. Dr. Yashodhara was there for the egg retrieval and had lunch with Bob in the hospital lounge afterwards. We also met our surrogate, Seena (sp?) and her caretaker very briefly. She was a lovely, smiley girl of good hight and size. That comforts me. I am 5'10 and solidly built; I have a mix of statures in my relatives, some quite large, but we all tend to have big babies, I believe that it is true on Bob's side as well. For me, to see a 5 foot surrogate with a fragile little build would be disconcerting...

Bob is taking the bus to Pune. For the record, I tried to convince him to fly, but he's having none of it. He wants to ride the bus. Lord love him.

He'll come back on Wednesday and I will go to the hospital for transfer. Then we are off to London on Thursday. This trip is going by so quickly!

Update...

2008-06-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

So, we met Dr. Sudir and Dr. Yashodhara. They came to our hotel and we had coffee, then the legal team showed up and we went to a conference room. The legal team reviewed the entire surrogate contract, item by item, to make sure that we were fully aware of the terms. The surrogate was unable to meet with us today because of the rains and because there is also a taxi strike in Mumbai. We are going to meet her on Wednesday prior to the embryo transfer.

Dr. Sudhir and Dr. Yashodhara took us to Lilivati hospital to see the IVF clinic and to have some blood drawn in preparation for retrieval tomorrow. Then they took us to lunch, which was very nice, and us back to the hotel where we sat down for a final question and answer period before making our final Stage I payment. There will be three payments due: Stage I, which we paid, and each subsequent stage at different markers throughout a pregnancy.

We feel extremely comfortable with our arrangements and safe in these doctors hands. We are going to have Agit pick us up tomorrow morning and take us to the hospital for retrieval at 6:00am. We were surprised at how early we needed to be there when my trigger calls for retrieval at noon, but apparently the beds fill up pretty early so you need to secure your spot. After retrieval, the want you to stay for observation for a couple of hours. We are very lucky to have Agit, because of the cab strike!

I am looking forward to retrieval because my abdomen is so full and uncomfortable!

Since I can't eat all day tomorrow, I thought long and hard about my final meal and went with a very wise choice: brownie ala mode. Ummmmmm.

Deja Vu

2008-06-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

We are back in Mumbai! We finally made it into our hotel room last night around 2:00am, local time. We slept until 8:30am, arranged a meeting with our doctors for 11:30am and went off to breakfast.

I love the breakfast here; I always find myself eating the weirdest combinations of food while Bob shakes his head at me. Today I had two eggs, wheat flakes, and about a gallon of clear vegetable broth. I could have skipped everything else and just had the broth--it was amazing and I couldn't stop eating it! Bob offered to steal some for me for later. He's such a gentleman/cleptomaniac!

We ended up doing our trigger shot last night at midnight (a half hour early) in the galley of the airplane in front of all the people lined up for the bathroom. I didn't care, but I could tell Bob was upset by it. It ended up working out just fine, and that's all that matters.

I think we will meet our surrogate today. I think I should feel more anxious than I do. I don't know if I am jetlagged or what, but I feel mellow and relaxed. I remember the first time we went to an IVF clinic, I was so nervous about what to wear and putting on makeup and all that. I remember having this irrational belief that my doctor should find us deserving of a baby in order to help us; like we were being judged as to whether we were worthy or not as a couple to be parents. With this, I feel excited and intrigued to meet the doctors that we have been in contact with on a daily basis for the past few months and I am looking forward to meeting our surrogate.

Cold Feet

2008-06-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

As it turns out, I have been stimming really well and boy, am I ball of emotional fun right now! Just ask Bob!

I have been scheduled to take an intramuscular trigger shot at 12:30am (plus or minus 10 minutes) on Sunday morning and we will have our egg retrieval Monday. For those of you unfamiliar to the IVF process, the HCG trigger shot is given exactly 36 hours before retrieval to give a final maturization to the eggs. If you get too far past that 36 hour window, you will ovulate on your own.

Our flight lands at 12:15am on Sunday morning; I am having a hard time with picturing how I am supposed to mix this drug up and get Bob to give me a big ole needle in the backside while we are in the process of landing on the plane. or taxi-ing to our gate. You know, while tray tables are up and seatbelts are on? Huh? Or maybe it'll be when everyone is standing in the isles waiting to disembark. Ugh. Hopefully we have a tailwind and arrive about 20 minutes early. Everybody pray for a tailwind now, okay?

We did most of our packing last night and are pretty much set to go. We are both feeling apprehensive and unsure of our decision at this point. It's hard to get on that plane with a huge amount of money and try yet another reproductive procedure, especially after so many failed efforts. You start to second guess yourself and think about what other choices you could have made. It's kind of like that feeling you get in the moments before you get married, before you see your loved ones face...all those demons come around to haunt you. Then you meet them at the alter and look into their eyes, and you know it's all going to be okay.

Ramblings from A Hormone-Crazed Jersey Girl

2008-06-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

We leave in less than a week for Mumbai! It seems like it came up so quickly...

So, we started our stimming phase of the drug regimen, which comes with high emotions, severe bloating and some bruises. (I actually purchased a larger sized wedding ring a few cycles ago. My fingers bloat up and look like Vienna sausages. Sexy, I know.) Anyhoo, once a year one of Bob's old college pals comes up to the beach here in NJ and a bunch of people get together. So, I am seriously six pounds (SIX!) heavier this week, have thighs covered in bruises (note the picture) and I have to PUT ON A BATHING SUIT and hang out with a bunch of people I only see once a year. I really like this couple and their wonderful family and look forward to this visit all year... so I am going to try to ignore the state of my body and wear my best smile (and a really big cover-up). They are so much fun!

We had quite a scare with Maisy yesterday. I took her for her Bordetella vaccination yesterday around noon, and around 4:30pm she swelled up and started vomiting. She was having a severe allergic reaction to the vaccination and was covered in hives. Bob was so calm--I, on the other hand, started crying--and off we ran to the vet. Her poor little eyes had swelled almost shut. The doc gave her some steroids and Benadryl and, by this morning, she was right as rain. I commended Bob this morning on his levelheadedness during the episode. I think I will need to be slapped if something like this should ever happen to an actual child of ours. God help me.

By the way, Maisy loves a game of Hide and Go Seek.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0lDgqTjvuE

I have been shopping like crazy for gifts for all of the people in India. Well, not ALL of the people (there's like a billion)...but Bob's colleagues, our doctors and our surrogate and her children. The surrogate's children are a boy, age 3, and a girl, age 10. I have had so much fun thinking about what to bring them! If you have any suggestions of what children of that age should absolutely try from the US (including candy suggestions) please comment to this post!

The people in India are without a doubt the nicest people on the face of the earth. (Bostonians run a close second!) I cannot wait to be among them again!

Getting Ready!

2008-06-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we started our Lupron shots and we are starting to get excited about another cycle! Dr. Yashodora has put on us a high dosage of Gonal F, so I called all my friends to beg drugs. Once again, we were very lucky to find enough to get us through another cycle! (Thanks, Karen!!)

Last trip, we spent so much time preparing for our adventure. This trip, it seems like it's not such a big deal; we know what to expect. Bob and I were laughing at ourselves because last trip we brought bag filled with Deet and all kinds of medicines. This trip, it'll be one bottle of Deet, some Imodium and Pepto Bismal. That's about it. We are looking forward to our trip this time; last time we were scared.

I want to post the following link to Brian and Lisa Switzer's blog; they welcomed beautiful twin girls, Kelsey and Riley, via surrogate in Mumbai on May 30th!

http://switzertwins.wordpress.com/

Everyone loves a happy ending!

Two For the Road

2008-05-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since my last post.

We decided to go with SurrogacyIndia and have sent our deposit and worked out our timeline with the doctors there. We booked our airfare last week and made hotel arrangements. We started communications with our reproductive endocrinologist here in NJ so that we can start the monitoring of our cycle here in the US and go to Mumbai for a shorter amount of time. We have opted out of staying for transfer and will be in Mumbai for six days. Six days! Last trip we were there for two and half weeks!

SurrogacyIndia has been extremely flexible, understanding and communicative. So far, we are impressed with the services. We will meet our surrogate this time; that's going to be really different!

We are due to leave for India on June 27th. It's the monsoon season in India now, so it should be a different city this time around!

It has been difficult for Bob and I to get excited about this trip...well, about this cycle. We are tired of the emotional roller coaster of all these infertility treatments. We find ourselves talking more and more about what life without children would be like. What would we do differently? Where and how would we choose to live?

I think this might be the end of the road for us. We've been very lucky to have the support of friends and family. We've been really blessed that we've had the opportunity to have closure with so many different assisted reproductive treatments. I consider myself so lucky that I will never have to say to myself, "I wish we'd tried this or that."

I hope and pray that we have the opportunity to have a family of three, but I think we are beginning to see that life wouldn't be so bad as a family of two...

Coming Back Up for Air

2008-05-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, that negative was hard, as they always are.

We took it on the chin, though. We hugged, we cried, we talked...

We took a realistic look at this together; what did we learn?

Well, we learned that we didn't love Rotunda. Honestly, they were overwhelmed there. It felt as if they were unable to give us their full attention. After six rounds of IVF, we know the ropes. We know what the ultrasounds and numbers mean. We know what a good cycle and what a bad cycle looks like. We did not have a good cycle.

We also learned that the system works. Surrogacy in India works. Our doctors could have sent us that email with a positive pregnancy result; they could have collected our money and "miscarried" that pregnancy later. That didn't happen. The system is real and it does work.

So we are going to take our experience with the programs in India and seriously consider trying it one more time. We are looking into two different programs. One is Jaslok Hospital and the other is SurrogacyIndia. They both offer great labs and fabulous embryologists. Honestly, we are leaning towards SurrogacyIndia.

We learned that we should use our knowledge in India, just as we would here in the US. I took a very passive roll in this cycle and I will be more vocal in the next round. You see, with our very first round of IVF, we did not see great fertilization results and our embryos were not of a great quality. Every subsequent cycle was tweaked and improved our fertilization and embryo quality. Our last two rounds were with Cornell, one of the best clinics in the country. We feel that Rotunda did not look at those past cycles and try to mirror some of those improvements. Instead, they gave us a very standard dosage and therefore produced results like that of our very first round of IVF. We were disappointed and angry at ourselves for not saying something when we first saw the dosages they were prescribing.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda. I believe that you take what life hands you, learn from it, and try to do better. I think we learned that this could work, and could be done better. So, we may decide to do this again or we may decide to take another path. Right now we are considering getting back up on this horse.

The Results are In..

2008-04-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

This morning we received our negative result via email. We really weren't surprised given the poor fertilization rate and the fact that grade B embryos were transferred.

We are so very disappointed in the outcome of this cycle. We are going to take some time to reflect on our journey and decide what our next step will be...

The Stats

2008-04-13T22:47:00.001-07:00

So, we got the stats on what we ended up with.

They got 12 eggs, 8 of which were good "mature" eggs, 6 of those fertilized and three looked good enough to transfer. So yesterday, three embryos were transferred to our surrogate! Everything went well with the transfer, so now we just sit and pray and wait for The Test!

Yesterday we felt a bit sick and didn't do too much except nap by the pool and swim in the ocean. This afternoon, we are heading back to Mumbai to catch our flight home tonight. We are both homesick and can't wait to see our friends and family again! My cousin Stacy has promised to meet us at the airport with twinkies. Nothing says "Welcome Home to America" like a twinkie!!

Just Call Me Mister Bob

2008-04-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

The thing I find most odd about India is the whole male-dominated society thing. Yesterday morning, I decided I was going to test it. I didn't address anyone until they had addressed me. All of the staff addressed Bob with a "Good morning, Sir" or "Good morning, Mister Bob." I got a smile. When we got down to the restaurant for breakfast, they addressed Bob for seating and asked him if we wanted coffee. I made it through the first 45 minutes of my morning without being verbally acknowledged, while Bob had chatted with at least ten people. I told him about it and he laughed; it was true, I was rarely spoken to during this trip. Even the doctors address Bob when explaining things; if Bob is not in the room, they address me directly. If I ask a question or greet someone first, I get a direct and friendly response. On the contracts for surrogacy, the surrogate's husband has to sign his approval. There is a male doctor at the clinic who told me that the female patients don't talk to him. They talk to the female doctors; he talks to the husbands. So strange...

We had an uneventful flight to Goa and arrived at our hotel safe and sound. The hotel is amazing; they greet you with a coconut and a straw so you can drink the juice. The pool is huge and multi-leveled. The rooms themselves have these amazing bathrooms that include an outdoor shower. The rooms, however, are very musty smelling. The first room they took us to was unbearably musty so we moved on to one that is better.

Last night, we took an hour long cab ride to Night Bazaar. We had heard that it was fun; shopping, dancing, food and live music. We had a good time--it was kind of a huge flea market filled with sunburned Europeans and hippies. There are a lot of hippies here!! We saw a woman with the worst sunburn we have ever seen. She should have been hospitalized, not walking around a bazaar.

Today we should find out via email how many embryos end up being transfered. We can't wait to hear!!

It's Done!

2008-04-11T04:08:00.000-07:00

Today we had our retrieval and it went very well! We ended up with a dozen eggs (haha) and were back in our hotel room by noon. I feel great--no soreness at all! I was extremely groggy afterwards; I think they are used to anesthetizing little five foot Indian women and may have overcompensated for five foot nine inch me! Needless to say, we ordered room service and I slept the afternoon away.

We signed all the surrogacy contracts prior to the retrieval and they will mail us our copies after the surrogate and her husband signs them. They will inform us via email how many embryos we come out with for transfer.

We were unable to switch our flight to Saturday night as we were hoping. We found out that we have to stay in India until Monday night--otherwise we would have had to pay change fees and take first class seating, which made it just too pricey to change. So, we decided to fly to Goa in the morning and fly back to Mumbai on Monday afternoon. The Maratha hotel has a refreshment suite for showering and resting between flights and will hold most of our baggage, so it should work out well.

We really wanted to get home, but we will settle for a trip to see the beautiful beaches of India instead. We are staying at the Park Hyatt Goa Resort and Spa for two nights. I have heard wonderful things about Goa; a lot of Mumbiakars go to Goa for the weekend. It's about a 10 hour drive, but there are sleeper buses that leave in the evening and arrive in the morning. Bob was trying to convince me to do that or even to take the overnight train. I thought the one-hour flight would be the wiser choice!

The locals tell us that it's too hot in Goa now for them! Bob looked up the weather in Goa; it says its 93 degrees but feels like 106 degrees. Yeah, that's hot... Mumbai is 96 today, but only feels like a cool 101.

Update, update!

2008-04-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

So, let me start off by saying that Bob gave me my trigger shot last night at 10:30pm and we are scheduled for egg retrieval on Friday morning at 8:30am. The retrieval is done at the doctor's office in an operating room they have in back (an "operating theater"). They have an anesthesiologist and an embryologist on staff.

Our plan is to have retrieval on Friday and get a flight home on Saturday night. Since we don't meet our surrogate and they will transfer all embryos, there is no reason to stay for transfer.

We were so happy to give the last shot last night. I hope it's our last shot ever!

Here's what we've been up the past couple of days:

On Tuesday, we got up and headed into the doctor's office for bloodwork. The doctor's office is in a wealthier neighborhood called Bandra. The first day we were here and drove to the clinic, I remember thinking, "Oh my God, where the hell are we going? What are we doing? Look at this neighborhood!" Now that our sensibilities have adjusted to India, we see past the dust and chaos, and see the area for what it is...one of the nicer tree-lined areas in Mumbai. I am kind of amused by the turn around in my own judgment.

After Dr. Kaushal, we headed over to Dr. Priya, our Lasik surgeon, for a check on our new and improved peepers. Our vision is great! She pronounced us healthy but insisted we come back for another check on Thursday. We are getting very tired of doctor's offices.

We shopped for a bit, headed back to the hotel pool for a swim and got ready for dinner with a couple we met from this blog, Rhonda and Gerry. Rhonda and Gerry are from Arizona and are also here in Mumbai for a surrogacy. They are using a different clinic and a service called SurrrogacyIndia. Their service is different then ours in some ways, the same in others. The main difference is that they have an open surrogacy. They meet their surrogate and their surrogate's family. It was interesting to share our experiences. We had a really nice dinner and were very lucky to connect with this couple...hopefully we'll meet them again in nine months!!

On Wednesday, it was up and out to Dr. Kaushal again...more bloodwork! Afterwards, we went to a street bazaar in Bandra called Linking Road. They had stalls of shoes as far as the eye could see. We had a great time...I would pick out the shoes and Bob would barter for a good price. We both got to do do something we loved! The heat was oppressive, though, and we didn't last too long. I was sweating in places I didn't even know you could sweat. As we walked through the stalls, these two blond girls came running up to us screaming "Oh, more tourists! Yay!" Bob, holding a camera and a guidebook, tried to convince them he was a local. They laughed and said they were from Switzerland and hadn't seen another tourist since the arrived the day before. We blonds don't exactly blend!

After decided we just couldn't take the heat anymore, we went to the spa. It was phenomenal! We both got facials and massages. My therapist was this little Hindi who couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs soaking wet, and didn't speak a lick of English. I thought to myself that this was going to be one of those wimpy massages, and I like a deep massage. Well, let me tell you, she beat the hell out of me. I loved it! Bob's facialist told him he had the skin of the thirty-year old; boy, was he happy! Between the teeth whitening, lasik and facial, Bob is having a man-makeover! I came to India with Bob, and am going back home with someone else! I hope they don't look to hard at his passport picture!

For dinner last night, we went to a restaurant called Barbecue Nation. It costs 500 rupees ($12.50) per person. They sit you at a table with a grille in the middle; on the grille they put kebob after kebob made of all different kinds of meats and vegetables...shrimp, lamb, chicken, fish, etc. The kebobs are 90% cooked and you are given basting sauces and brushes to finish them they way you like (they only need about two additional minutes on the grille). They kept bringing out more kebobs (it's all you can eat)! After that, you can go up to a buffet with more food and desserts. We had a great time!

If you eat in your hotel or a higher end restaurant, we are told that you are safe to eat the fruit, vegetables, ice. My personal policy has been to only do this in our hotels. I do not want to risk getting sick before my retrieval. Bob has been just fine, though, so the theory has been tested and proved true!

To and from dinner last night we took a rickshaw. These are little three-wheeled contraptions that are incredibly light, maneuverable and fun! The major drawback is that they are open-aired so the smog, exhaust and dust can be overwhelming. Bob loves to argue the price with the drivers. They are metered, but the drivers will try to convince you that it actually cost more. Bob loves to dicker over prices!

We are coming to love India!

2008-04-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, (April 7^th) we went to the Rotunda clinic in the morning. We met Dr. Gautum for the first time and everything went smoothly. (It almost didn’t though, I asked when were to get our HIV tests and Dr. Gautum was very surprised we hadn’t had our tests yet...with retrieval looking like Friday, and it takes 3 days to get the results, we were cutting it close). It is mandatory by Indian law to get an HIV test before the embryos can be transferred to the surrogate.

After that, we went to the Aditya Jyot Eye Hospital http://www.adityajyoteyehospital.org/ in Wadala and both Lisa and I had Lasik done on our eyes. We had been to the hospital twice before to have all the pre-lasik tests done. The cost was about $900.00 for each of us, compared with $4-$5K in the US. Aditya Jyot is definitely more of local eye hospital, not really near the hotels. We didn’t notice any foreigners the three times we were there, but I think the service was excellent. Doctor Priya was very professional and the staff very nice. The Lasik procedure itself was a little nerve-wracking. It’s pretty freaky having you eye held open by a clamp and being prodded by suction machines and lasers and saline being dripped on them constantly. It took about 10-15 minutes per eye and I was pretty relieved when it was over. It felt like there was a spec of sand in your eyes for a while, but we both woke up with very little discomfort and the ability to see the clock for the first time in about 20 years. We’re both so glad we had it done.

Today, we went back to the eye clinic for a quick check up and everything went great. My vision is pretty good now and Dr. Priya said we will see improvement over the next 7 – 10 days. After, we did a little shopping in section called Vile Parle. We found a great taxi driver named Ajit who also turned out to be a great tour guide. He’s lived here all his life and knows this crazy city like the back of his hand; and his English is excellent and easily understandable. He’s getting married at the end of the month. It’s an arranged marriage and he’s only met the girl once in the last year, but they talk on the phone every other day. He’s been telling us all about the upcoming wedding. Over 400 people are attending and it lasts 3 days. Ajit lives with his Mom and Dad, Sister, Brother, and their spouses and two nieces in a two room house. He said he lives in a slum area near the airport, but it is a nicer slum. Wow, that’s hard to fathom for most Americans, but it’s life in Mumbai. In fact, I read that 40% of the Mumbai police officers live in slums.

I know we’re getting a little more used to Mumbai. I find myself not having to pick up my jaw off the ground as much as the first few days. I know we’ve been writing about the culture shock a lot , but there are also a lot of good things here. The food has been fabulous, the people are extremely nice and some great bargains to be had.. In fact, Lisa and I scheduled 80 minute Swedish massages at a very nice local Spa here in Andheri tomorrow for about $30.00 each. Can’t beat the price!

Shopping~!

2008-04-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the pool and cooked like chicken on the grille in the heat. It seems that every day here is a "dog day" of summer.

Then we went shopping! Shopping in India is sooo different than anywhere else. You walk into a store and the people circle around you. One guy will introduce himself and ask what you are looking for. If you are not sure, he will start showing you this and that. If you say you want something in pink, he will start showing you everything in pink. He will have two people running around to get things in pink, while all the time explaining to you how beautiful the pink is on the pink thing he is currently showing you. If you say you want something more of a mauve, and he doesn't have it, well then he'll just dye it mauve and deliver it to your hotel room in an hour. What's that? You don't like the fringe on the pink thing either? Well then, he'll dye it mauve, cut off the fringe and hem it, THEN he will deliver it to your hotel room--in an hour. It was amazing!

Bob looked at shirts. There must have been two hundred shirts paraded in front of him. I turned around and there were two guys refolding all the shirts they had paraded out in front of Bob. Bob ended up buying two shirts from all the shirts marched out in front of him. It was incredible!

At first, we felt funny. Kind of guilty that we weren't interested in what so many people were trying to sell us. After a while, it became more comfortable, and you realized that this is how it is in India. This is just regular old customer service.

I have heard that there are shops in Mumbai that will send trunks of goods to your hotel room so that you can shop without leaving your room! Can you imagine? I would feel just like Scarlett O'Hara on her honeymoon with Rhett!

We bought jewelry, clothing and had raw silk dyed. We bought cashmere and wood carvings! We bought sari's and children's punjab suits!

I love, love, love shopping in India!

PS The rule of thumb for shopping in India is that anyplace air conditioned you cannot bargain, non-air conditioned you should barter, starting at 25% the initial price asked and usually will end up half off.

It's Only My Opinion...

2008-04-04T21:45:00.001-07:00

Okay, we drove back to Mumbai yesterday. The ride was better--less traffic, but still long.

As we drove towards Mumbai, you could see the cloud of smog hanging over the city. Everything seems gray and dingy compared to Pune. The crowds of people on the streets, the traffic, the beggars knocking at your windows at every stop--Mumbai is much worse than we had prepared ourselves for.

If we are blessed enough to come back here for a baby, we will stay in Mumbai as little as possible. We will take the baby to Goa or Pune while we wait for the passport to process. We find the city overwhelming and depressing. If we had not gone to Pune and stayed only in Mumbai, our overall opinion of India would have been vastly different.

The smells here are incredible. Every place you go you will find yourself greeted with a new, strong scent. Sometimes bad and sometimes incredibly good, but always distinct. Bob made me laugh so hard yesterday when we got into a cab and spoke in code to me... "Youstink-Um." Body odor is par for the course here. Lavendar, too.

We are staying a beautiful hotel, The Maratha. I will post pictures soon. The hotel has a decor that feels like the old Bristish India--ornate and over-the-top. Bob's best friend booked us here for five days using his reward points. Thanks, Tommy! The breakfast buffet so luxurious...today I had a croissant, a salad, an omelet with salmon roe and steamed asparagus. (Bob was horrified at my omelet combination.)

Well, anyhoo, lets get down to business. Yesterday we went to the clinic for monitoring. It looks like I have a good number of follicles, so we are continuing on our stimming and returning on Monday morning for our next monitoring. I am hoping that they will trigger on Monday night and perform retrieval on Wednesday morning, but we will know more after Monday's appointment. Dr. Kaushal is very warm. Bob asked how many surrogacies the clinic has performed and was told that last year they did 15, 2006 they did 10 and in 2005 they did two or three. Dr. Kaushal also told us that they are opening a low-cost sister clinic which will make fertility treatments available to people that couldn't normally afford it. I was impressed by that.

A few words about the clinic. Things are very basic there; little things, like disposable paper over the tables, are missing. I feel very comfortable with the cleanliness overall. It is a well-run operation. While we were in Pune, I dropped a vial of Follistim and it shattered (Ugh!), so we had to buy more at the clinic. I bought two vials of Gonal-F (450 UI) for $550. It was the same stuff that you get in the U.S.

Well, we are off to the pool and to take some pictures!

Pune

2008-04-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been spending my time trying to figure out how to post pictures on this blog. The best I could do was add the link to click on. We also need to start taking more pictures. We spend most of our time open-mouthed and too enthralled with all that's happening around us to get out the camera.

We spent the last three days in Pune, visiting Bob's office here in India. I honestly have to say that these are the nicest people in the world. We had arrived on Tuesday, hot, tired and cranky after a four-hour nail-biting ride from Mumbai. Mumbai is a HUGE city. Our hotel was located at the southern-most area, so our driver, Kishor, had to take us all the way north through the city before we could even get on the Pune highway. The driving here is hands down the craziest I have ever seen in my life. I spent the entire ride in the back seat in the fetal position. Bob kept making those little gasping noises. All I could say to him was, "Don't look. Just don't look." Kishor was chatting away to us from the front seat.

When we arrived at Bob's company, they greeted us with a traditional greeting which included a 'good-luck' dot on the head and a beautiful garland. They took us out to dinner and we had the nicest time. Bob has spent a lot of time there over the past couple of days, trying to absorb as much information as possible. I spent yesterday at the hotel spa and the afternoon sleeping.

Today, Kishor took us shopping at M.G. Road in Pune. I bought saris and salwar kameez' for me and some of my special girls back home. I love the beautiful fabrics and bright colors.

Tomorrow morning we are being picked up at 8am and driven back to Mumbai (Lord love us). I have to see Dr. Kaushal for monitoring.

Well, that's pretty much the update! We are adjusting to India, it seems!

Holy $#@&!

2008-03-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

What a day!

When we landed last night around 9:30pm, we breezed through customs, picked up our bags and were greeted immediately by our hotel driver. We were whisked into our car, handed cool refreshing towels and bottles of water and before you knew it, we were in a beautiful hotel room overlooking a gorgeous view of the ocean. I cannot say enough nice things about the hotel. It was the Hilton, but has been taken over and renamed the Trident (as of tomorrow). We were lucky enough to be able to use our Hilton reward points and stay here two nights. So, when we were finally settled around midnight last night, we took some ambien and went back to sleep around midnight.

I woke up around 5:00am this morning and fiddled around packing, writing emails, etc. We had breakfast, bought a sim (sp?) card for a cell phone and started our day.

Today consisted of two things: consult for Lasik and our meeting/baseline ultrasound at Rotunda with Dr. Kaushal.

We hired a car for the day for $20. Our driver was very friendly and informative. He took us anywhere we wanted and waited for us for as long as we needed. He was great!

It took us about 45 minutes to get to the eye hospital; then we spent about two hours having drops and tests done. We ran out of time and will return tomorrow morning for a final test before we head out to Pune. It looks like we will be having Lasik next Monday for $900 for both eyes.

Well, on to the important stuff: our meeting with Dr. Kaushal! It is surreal to be sitting in a clinic surrounded by women in saris. At the door, you remove your shoes and put on flip flops. I didn't realize, but Bob brought me over and showed me.

Dr. Kaushal sat with us and discussed all of our questions. Roughly, here are some of the things with discussed. First of all,we will not meet the surrogate, because it is better for us and for her. The surrogates concern is that we will not return for the baby; our concern is that she will leave with the baby; the doctors concern is for her safety and health and that no one tries to take advantage of each other and obeys the contracts. Dr. Kaushal sees no problems, but all of the issuses were discussed. Dr. Kaushal will do her best to "schedule delivery" either through induction or through c-section, so that we can be there when the baby is born. If the baby surprises us, the baby remains at the hospital until we pick him/her/them up. She said that in her experiences, Americans travel home within three weeks with the baby. The US Embassy is excellent (the UK can take a bit longer).

They will do a two-day transfer of all embryos. We were surprised to hear this. We produce between 4 and eight embryos; this will increase our odds and give us the best chances, especially considering the two-day transfer. Dr. Kaushal will not do ICSI; she felt it was unnecessary. We've had three clinics in the past, two of which recommended ICSI and one didn't. We were okay with not doing ICSI this time around.

The surrogate is encouraged to live in surrogate housing, but is ultimately given the choice. These are women with families of their own, and leaving for an extended period is sometimes just not feasible. Our surrogate has not yet decided about whether she will stay in housing part of the time (when she is showing) or the whole time.

I started stimming tonight and am scheduled to return to the clinic on Friday for monitoring. If we were staying locally, truth be told, I would have come in on Thursday. I was started on a pretty high dosage of follistim, but then again it's been a year since my last cycle and now I am 35.

The clinic here, like everything in India, is more laid-back. They don't monitor as much as in the US. Keep in mind that this is my sixth time stimulating, so I have a pretty proven track record for being a good, healthy stimulator. I don't know if they would have monitored more closely if it was my first time around.

Hi, Blogger Bob Here, The Husband...

2008-03-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Well we’re here in Mumbai (Bombay)! The 15 hour flight really wasn’t as bad as I though ti was going to be. A couple of Ambian really knocked me out and for a loop. I slept the first 10 hours of the flight. Lisa tells me I did wake up and ate the airline dinner., but I really have no recollection of it, but a few stains on my shirt convince me that I must have eaten it. We sat next to a nice guy who worked for Carnival Cruiselines and he was going to home to have surgery on his shoulder. Nice guy, he gave us a few tips.

1) Never encourage begging. If you give out a dollar, you’ll be swarmed by hundreds of other beggers

2) When your shopping/haggling. Start at ½ the cost and barter from there.\

3) Pick up a Taxi rate card which explains all the costs and distances for taxi rides.

We breezed through customs and were our the door of the Airport in about 10 minutes. We quickly noticed our name on a plaque and the driver whisked us into a waiting car. It took about 45 minutes to get to the hotel from the airport. It was 10:00 PM and too dark to see much, but the driver did point out some mosques, restaurants and a Rolls Royce dealership, just in case. Indians drive on the left side of the road and it seemed pretty crazy. The driver assured us that “we haven’t seen anything yet” in regards to the traffic. Wait until the morning and evening. It’s CRAZZZZYYY!. More on that next post after we experience it. We have a 2:00 appt. at the Rotunda clinic, our first one. I’ve scheduled a consultation at a Laser Eye place later too. The cost is $900 for both eyes. Back in the states, the cost is about $5000.00. Lisa might get Lasik also. She has astigmatism, so they have to do an exam first. OK, we’re off to explore our first day in India. We’ll take lots of pictures and upload them.

On The Junk Again

2008-03-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

I started my Lupron shots on Sunday night and I think I gained ten pounds overnight. I haven't been on injectibles ("The Junk" as we call it) since last May and I forgot how much fun the bloating, hot flashes and headaches are. Oh, and the mood swings. But then, I don't mind them as much as Bob does.

I have a huge pile of medication to take with me. I am bringing my own drugs since I had enough left over from previous cycles that I could pretty much get by and my friend gave me the stuff I was missing (thanks Karen!) I will take the medications that need to be refrigerated on the plane with me and pack the room temperature drugs, plus all my own needles, alcohol wipes, etc. in my suitcase. We are also taking the anti-malarial pills, Ambian for Bob on the plane, and Xanex for me on the plane. (I am really afraid of flying, so I drug myself to get on the plane.) I laugh and tell Bob that between all the inoculations, fertility drugs and everything else, we should be glowing green by the time we get back.

We went to the bank last week and requested $1,000 US in rupees. We asked for $500 in large bills, but asked for the remainder to be broken down into smaller currency. Well, since the exchange rate is 39 rupees to the dollar, Bob picked up a stack of rupees the size of a brick from the bank yesterday.

One has to ask oneself, between the money and the drugs, will we make it through customs?

We are so excited about this trip and the hope of a pregnancy! Saturday can't come quickly enough for us now. I love how much support we have received for this adventure. I was afraid that sharing this with people would bring a lot of negative commentary, but everyone has been so open and supportive. Our families have been so helpful and supportive with everything, from watching our dog, to getting us to the airport, to discussing bringing home a healthy baby. In some ways, this "pregnancy" feels like a more shared event. This isn't between Bob and I; it's everyone pitching in to bring home a baby and the end result is such a beautiful thing.

I thought when I left for this trip that I might feel a sense of loss at giving up the pregnancy, but all of the love, support and sharing has made it feel more like everyone rallying around us to bring home a baby.

Back in the Saddle

2008-03-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

Well, Aruba was fantastic. We were able to "stick a pin" in our India trip and just focus on relaxing with friends.

Before we left for Aruba, we went in for inoculations. They turned out to be very expensive (around $800--just for me). I suggest that you go at least two months in advance (these shots are good for life) and try to go to your regular physician. I think this travel clinic we chose might have been overpriced.

We were given a prescription for Doxycycline as an anti-malarial drug. There are three you can choose from, and we went with the cheapest. All have slight differences as far as how long and often you have to take them. One had a side effect of "nervousness" (yeah, like we need another helping of that right now).

We have finally figured out what we are going to do for hotel rooms. I have all these Hilton points that I had planned to use for this trip, but it turns out that the Hilton Mumbai is being sold as of April 1st, so I can only stay on my points for two of the total 16 nights. We are staying at a hotel called the Executive Enclave for five nights. The Enclave is located very close to the clinic and is recommended by the clinic and a friend. We are planning on going to Pune for three nights (Bob's company has an office there that he'd like to visit). And finally, a friend of ours has graciously offered us their Starwood points for one of the weeks, so we are going to stay at the Maratha (ooh-la-la) for the week of retrieval. (I am really happy about this. When it comes to cycling, I am pretty consistently easy, but retrievals are always painful for me. To be staying somewhere comfortable is really important.)

I also found out that Rotunda offers free wireless internet, so we can bring our laptop to our appointments and email home while we wait!

Well, we are off to take photos for our visas!!

India, Here We Come

2008-03-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

Well, we got an email from Dr. Kaushal today that gave us our travel dates. We are in shock.

We have to be in Mumbai on March 30th. I start Lupron on March 24th. The estimated retrieval is going to be around April 11.

We thought it would be later in April, or even May. We are thrilled and excited and absolutely terrified. When Bob saw the email and called me he said something like, "Holy crap. We have to hurry up and do our taxes." I had to laugh, because I could tell he was feeling the same confusion that I was feeling. We have a million things going through our heads right now...silly stuff, like who will take care of Maisy? What do I pack? And important stuff...what about the visa applications? What about payment, money, hotel....arggg! Panic!

I was able to book our airfare and hotel reservations. I filled out the visa applications online and printed them out. We will have to take the application to the office in New York in person.

I made an appointment to have all of our shots on Wednesday because we need to have them two weeks prior to travel in order for them to be effective. Bob and I had planned a trip to Aruba with a group of friends and are leaving on Thursday and will return next Tuesday. The fact that we need to get our shots before we leave for Aruba and we need our passports for Aruba has made the visas and the shots a little more urgent, but not impossible.

So when we return next Tuesday we have a week and a half to get ourselves together for our trip to India.

This is happening so fast!!! I know what I have to do and have been preparing mentally for this, but I thought I would have more lead time to complete everything. I think, overall, that I am glad that this is happening so quickly. While it's speeding along, you aren't left with a lot of time to worry.

I am going to post the costs sometime in the next week. Everything from travel costs to actual IVF/Surrogate fees. It adds up quickly.

Wow!

2008-03-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

We are matched! We received our surrogate's profile via email at 7:00am this morning. She is a 22 year old married mother of two little girls and in perfect health. I cried when I opened the email and saw her picture. She is the answer to our prayers.

Today I started birth control pills for the syncing of cycles. Honestly, I am not sure where the surrogate is in her cycle and/or if they started her on drugs. I was told that we will be given travel dates soon! I emailed the clinic to find out if the surrogate will be staying in the clinic's housing or will be living elsewhere.

It became real for us today. It is thrilling and scary and sad in a way. Today I saw the woman who will carry my pregnancy. Wow.

I am so excited!

2008-02-22T15:32:00.001-08:00

Well, it's been a while since I posted. Things at work and in our personal lives have been a little hectic.

I consult for a company that is laying off the department in which I work. I have been consulting with them for about two and half years because it allowed me to take the time off that I needed for all of my IVF treatments. I was supposed to have a job through the end of June, but they decided to make final cuts the end of March instead. The beauty of it is that they are going to pay me through June. This allows me to take as much time as I need in India with no pressure to get back. Bob works from home for a UK company that has offices India, so he has a lot of flexability as well. He can work with a laptop or go into the office there if he needs to. It feels a bit like the stars are in alignment to make this trip totally stress free.

We completed all of our testing a week and a half ago. I have been instructed to begin birth control pills with the onset of my next period in order to coordinate my cycle with a surrogate. My next period should begin sometime around March 10th. I believe that we should recieve information of surrogates in the couple of weeks. If our cycles are able to be synched quickly, we may be able to do our cycle in April. If not, we are looking at May.

We are so excited! I guess I need to start working on making appointments for shots and travel visas...

Doctor, Meet Doctor

2008-02-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I just sent an email to my doctor in India and my doctor in the U.S. so that they can coordinate all tests, results from tests and monitoring.

Bob and I sat down with Dr. Morgan, an RE with whom we had gone through two cycles of IVF. We had prepared ourselves for negative attitude when it came to our choice for surrogacy, but were pleasantly surprised at how supportive and open Dr. Morgan was to our decision. He was very up front about how the process would work. He explained that our doctors in Mumbai will be our 'primary' doctors and Dr. Morgan will act on their requests. This concerns us a bit because communication between us and India has not had a quick turn around. Ultimately, you have to remember that you are dealing with a country with poor infrastructure and communications can be delayed and have breakdowns at any point. The idea of relying on daily requests from India in order to conduct monitoring is concerning.

Then we met with Dr. Morgan's billing person. She explained that each monitoring session during the stimulation portion of our cycle would cost between roughly $540-$750, depending on how much blood work is requested.

When Bob and I did the math and added in the communication concerns, we realized quickly that it definitely made more sense to conduct the whole cycle in India.

So, we have decided that we will remain in the US until we begin the stimulation portion of the IVF cycle. We will do our preliminary testing with Dr. Morgan and have our baseline ultrasound here.

I have begun to look at travel arrangements. Delta now offers a flight from JFK in New York directly to Mumbai. The flight is fifteen hours. (When I think about possibly making that flight home with an infant, I get this feeling that's a mixture of hope and panic! It makes my heart got all fluttery!)

It's likely that we will stay at the Hilton because we have a ton of reward points with them. We are looking at a hotel called the Ascot as a second choice.

I think we will look at executive suites or short term apartment rentals while we are in India for the IVF cycle, so that if we come back for a baby, we will have options for a place to stay with a kitchen and a separate bedroom. We could end up being there for as long as a month with an infant, so every little bit of advance planning will help.

Moving Right Along

2008-01-31T06:47:00.000-08:00

So, two weeks ago I sent my medical records to Rotunda and heard back last week. Dr. Guatam emailed us a list of tests for screening on our end. Some are for me, some are for Bob and some are for both of us.

Here's what they asked for:
Baseline Profile (To be done on Day 2/3 of your menses)
·Serum FSH
·Serum LH
·Serum TSH
·Serum Prolactin
·Routine Semen Analysis
·Semen Culture ABST
·Antisperm Antibodies
·Test for HbsAg
·HIV (1+2) Antibody
·Blood Grouping & Rh typing

We have had these tests so many times that it is frustrating to have to repeat them, but at least there aren't any surprises.

Dr. Guatam said they are in the process of screening surrogates on their end, and will present us with profiles when the testing is complete.

I made an appointment to see our RE in NJ for a consultation tomorrow. I had two previous rounds of IVF with this doctor and know that he is willing to help with this process. We need to discuss many issues during the consultation. We are trying to decide what will make more sense, starting stimming here in the U.S. and going to India after the trigger shot for retrieval and transfer, thereby limiting our time in India, or doing the whole process over there, which could take two weeks. Cost is a factor. Time off from work is a factor.

I see my therapist, Marni Rosner, every week. I started seeing her with my fifth negative cycle, when it was so hard to accept that my body wouldn't perform. There are so many feelings of loss and shame tied to infertility that it was a real struggle to get through, and is a struggle to this day. This journey has been hard on my marriage, my family and my friends. I am so grateful for the people in my life who have been so understanding and supportive; sometimes I think it is harder for them than for me.

I guess I am writing all of this so that I can also blog about the emotional struggles that come with surrogacy. I found Marni through the Resolve website and she specializes in patients dealing with infertility. She has been wonderful in keeping my spirit healthy when it comes to dealing with this trauma. So I have great help!

I read these surrogacy message boards where the women have these great relationships with their gestational carriers and I can't help but to feel grateful that I won't have to be a part of the day to day in my GCs pregnancy. I know some people would feel completely different and would want to be a part of the step-by-step process. Not me. I want to meet her. I want to know that she is safe, well cared for, that her health is not risked by the pregnancy. I want her to know that 'grateful' doesn't begin to cover how Bob and I feel about her doing this for us. I get choked up at the thought of looking this person in the eyes and trying to express what her sacrifice means to us.

I understand that this surrogacy will not be completely anonymous. I think we meet her before and at transfer and after delivery. How do you thank someone for changing your life and giving you a gift like this?

I want to add this really fantastic website that I read a lot. I find the FAQ section like a security blanket that I reread when I start to get overwhelmed by this process. It's reassuring somehow.

www.oneinsix.com

Vaccinations are SCARY!

2008-01-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

I have had a terrible cold for about three weeks, which finally brought me to the doctor today. It turns out I have brochitis and am spending the day on the couch with my laptop and my new puppy, Maisy. She's a mintiature schauzer/poodle mix, a "schnoodle," that we got the day after Thanksgiving. Bob and I are in love with her; she's really filled a hole in our lives.

Anyhoo, lets get to the reason for this post. While I was at the doctor today, I asked about vaccinations for India. Dr. Sahar explained that every area requires different vaccinations and I need to consult the US Department of Health to determine what is required for our specific destination of Mumbai. He said that his practice could handle some of the vaccinations if we gave him notice, but Yellow Fever is only adminstered by specified clinics. (We will need the Yellow Fever vaccination.)

After reading what the Deptartment of Health had to say, I found a one-stop travel clinic that will handle all of our vaccinations, including Yellow Fever. We will also have to get anti-malarial drugs, which are a little pricey. It costs, from what I could find, somewhere around $75-100 per person for a two-week supply of Malarone.

It looks like Bob will be getting some shots this time, too!

Here are the links...

Health Department
http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/destinationIndia.aspx

Travel Health Clinic (NJ):
http://www.passporthealthnj.com/

Let's Get This Show on the Road

2008-01-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a couple of months since I posted.

Due to technical difficulties, we have decided against another round of IVF here at Cornell in the US.

So, last week we e-mailed India and started advertising for a surrogate. Today I photocopied all of my records and sent them off to Dr. Kaushal in Mumbai. I was astounded by the amount of papers my procedures have generated. My Fedex charge is going to be huge!

We were told that finding a surrogate will take 2-4 weeks, so we are hopeful that we will have found and screened someone by the end of January. The next step will be to synchronize the surrogate's cycle with mine which should take anywhere up to 6 weeks. Then we will begin the IVF cycle. We have drugs left over from previous cycles, so I plan to use those as opposed to drugs from the clinic in India. I have heard rumblings of the drugs in India not being as potent as the drugs in the US. Since I do not produce an overabundance of eggs, I think it is doubly important to use the drugs that I have here.

Logistically, right now, I have several things to work on. First on my list is to touch base with a doctor here in the US so that we can start my IVF cycle here. I would rather begin the stims and monitoring here in order to reduce the amount of time spent in India. Hopefully, if all goes well, we will spend a week to 10 days in India for retrieval and, possibly, transfer. I spoke to a doctor briefly at a clinic in New Jersey who was willing to work with my doctor in India. Now, I need to firm that up.

Secondly, I need to start researching more thoroughly our travel arrangements. I also believe India requires a travel visa.

Bob and I have a vacation to Aruba planned for mid-March, so I think we will end up in India sometime near the end of March or in April. I cannot believe how quickly this is moving.

We are so excited! Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Play it Again, Cornell

2007-11-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

Well, after much debate, we have decided to pursue one more cycle of IVF at Cornell. Dr. Chung feels that my uterus is viable and we should check our embryos through a process called PGD.

I find the thought of another round of IVF extremely frustrating, but logically it makes sense to do this.

The arguments were:

Move on to India
Why have a round of IVF here that will not result in a pregnancy. See, if my uterus is good and the embryos are bad, the result is no pregnancy. If the outcome is that the embryos are good, then we can finally determine for sure that it is my uterus that's the problem. Still, in the end no pregnancy. (Dr. Chung does not believe that our chances are that bleak. I think six failed rounds of IVF speaks volumes.)

IVF Cycle
If we have a round of IVF and determine that our embryos are not viable, then a surrogate is not an option. If we skip the IVF with PGD and move on to India, and a pregnancy doesn't result, will we try it again? Will we always wonder if it was the embryos? (Plus, there is the chance that it will work??)

Closure wins out on this one. To know, once and for all, if it's my uterus or our embryos before moving on is too important.

Pak Rocks!

2007-11-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

Bob and I met with our doctor, Dr. Pak Chung, at Cornell. We hashed out all of the pros and cons of our situation with him and still don't really have our decision made.

Dr. Chung feels that another round of IVF should be the next step for us. Considering that it would be our seventh cycle, he understands that there is high amount of stress and emotion to cycling again. Medically speaking, he stresses, another round is what he recommends. Financially, emotionally...well, that's all to be considered as well.

I keep saying that a pregnancy from IVF is highly unlikely, not to mention a healthy, successful pregnancy. Dr. Chung seems to think the odds aren't quite so bad. I am fearful of spending too much money on IVF and limiting our further options (surrogacy or adoption). Dr. Chung pointed us to some different ways of reducing the cost of IVF for our specific situation.

We discussed India with him and he has offered to do as much research as possible on Rotunda for us. He was surprised to hear about India as an option. I was surprised that it was new to him. He expressed concerns for my care throughout the cycle and wants to make sure that an IVF cycle in India would be safe for us. He said that he sees many couples in our situation who become desperate and take risks at overseas clinics that could lead to disaster and gave a specific example of a procedure and clinic in Mexico. He did not say that going to India was a bad idea; he simply wants to help assure us of a good decision, in as much as he can.

Shipping/taking embryos to India is simply not possible. He said that the paperwork and effort expended in taking embryos just to the next state is incredible; out of the country would surely prove to be impossible. Also, he didn't think the embryos would survive that long.

So, right now Bob and I are in limbo. We have agreed between us that Bob will take care of finagling the financial burden of another round of IVF. (Did you know there are grants available through a few states? http://www.acog.org/acog_districts/dist_notice.cfm?recno=1&bulletin=1767) If Bob can make it work, I will do one more round. If he can't, we will continue our path to India. Hopefully, Dr. Chung is able to give us a green light on the facilities/doctors at Rotunda.

You know, Dr. Chung is the third RE I have had. I found it truly amazing how willing he is to help us, not just at Cornell, but in any choice we make. I did four cycles with other clinics and other doctors. I wish I had gone straight to Cornell.

The Roller Coaster: IVF or India?

2007-10-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

Last week we started the ball rolling on finding a surrogate in India. Then we asked Dr. Kaushal to hold off on advertising for a surrogate until this week.

See, a few hours after wiring the money to India, my doctor here at Cornell called and wanted to discuss another round of IVF. My heart was not in this discussion (remember, we've done six rounds already), but in the interest of making a solid, well-informed decision, Bob and I are going to consult with him tomorrow.

We'd also like to hear what the doctor will think of the option to pursue surrogacy in India. We are also curious to see if we could do a round at Cornell, freeze any healthy embryos and ship (or take) them to India for transfer to a surrogate. Should be an interesting meeting.

When we emailed Dr. Kaushal and asked to hold off advertising for a surrogate for a week, we also asked about the complexity of sending frozen embryos over to her. She said it was possible, that Fedex could handle it, but there are risks involved in moving the embryos through customs.

As my research continues, I also emailed the US Embassy in Mumbai on Thursday asking what the process would be for taking an infant out of India in the case of the baby being the genetic child of US Citizens. They sent me back a lovely email with several links. I will post those links at the bottom of this post, but essentially they said that the baby would be issued a birth certificate showing a US citizen's birth abroad and it would be a hellish day getting all the paperwork done at the embassy (both parents and baby must be present--they suggest bringing a nanny). The baby's passport for travel would be issued after 15 working days. You can apply for an emergency passport, but I am not sure of what quantifies an "emergency." See, I think two blonds with absolutely no parenting experience in a Mumbai hotel room with an infant for 3 weeks constitutes an emergency, but who knows if the US Government will agree...

http://mumbai.usconsulate.gov/children_with_no_claim.html
http://mumbai.usconsulate.gov/transmission_requirements_.html
http://mumbai.usconsulate.gov/birth_abroad.html.

Baby Steps

2007-10-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

In all of the ups and downs of infertility, the one very painful lesson for me has been patience. Never does the scheduling, timing, or length of the current process work to your advantage or fast enough for you. It's always just hurry up and wait. I have learned to accept taking it one step at a time, or as I have come to ironically think of it, baby steps. Focus on the next step, the next shot, the next doctor's appointment. Big picture thinking just makes for a lot of frustration!

After a lot of discussion, internet research and a several emails to clinics, Bob and I set up a conference call with Dr. Kaushal at the Rotunda clinic in Mumbai this morning. We woke up at 5:45am and made the 6:00am call. It was 3:30pm in India.

I should clarify that Bob and I are looking for a gestational carrier. We will use our own embryos and have them transferred to surrogate. We make healthy embryos, my body just doesn't seem to have the ability to carry them.

We had gleaned a mass of information from the internet and basically had it all validated by Dr. Kaushal over the phone. She was friendly and understanding. She was clear and easily understood.

We will wire a fee of $704US (28,000 rupees) this afternoon. This fee will pay for advertising and screening of a surrogate. Dr. Kaushal felt that we will have a match in approximately four weeks. Once there is a match, she will send us a dossier and picture of the surrogate. It will take 6-8 weeks for a syncing of cycles (the surrogate's cycle to mine). I will go to Mumbai for stimulation and egg retrieval, staying in Mumbai for approximately 15 days.

This is so fast, SO FAST! What happended to the baby steps?

Bob and I are so excited and scared. A surro in India? This is surreal...

Our Introduction

2007-10-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

My husband, Bob, and I have been married for four years. We starting trying to have a baby three and a half years ago.

We bought a nice, roomy townhouse in suburbia and bought the required SUV, and we started trying. All of our friends had or were having children, so we assumed it would just be a matter of time. We were so naive!

I was diagnosed with a unicoruate uterus. That essentially means I have half a uterus and would have a difficult time carrying baby to term. Miscarriage is common with this genetic anomoly. It also decreases the chance of implantation by about half of the normal female. So, four pregnancy losses and six failed IVF treatments later, we found ourselves at a crossroad. What to do now?

We decided to go to India and use a surrogate. We had done much research on our options and were liking the idea more and more of going to India. Lately, there seems to be more media coverage on the process. There was an article in Marie Clare and then Oprah did a segment in which Lisa Ling went to India and followed an American couple on their journey. This clinched the decision for us.

I cannot seem to find any information from anyone in the U.S. who has done a surrogacy in India, so I decided to start this blog. I want to share our journey with others who are suffering from infertility and looking at available options. Hopefully, this story will have a happy ending.

Stay tuned for more updates!